Also, redundancy is fun and also redundant. Someone needs to tell Chris Berman that tundra is, by definition, frozen.
You can’t give 110%. You can’t give 200%. It’s impossible. I’m not good at math, but I learned in elementary school that 100% equals the full amount. Memo to athletes, if you think you were giving 100% but now you’re going to give 110%, you were not giving it your all before. It just doesn’t add up and you end up making your math teachers look bad.
And then there’s Cracker Jack. The plural of Cracker Jack is not Cracker Jacks! The song does not go “Buy me some peanuts and Cracker JACKS!!!” Cracker Jack is the delicious amalgamation of popcorn peanuts coated in caramel. If any element is missing, it isn’t Cracker Jack. If you want two boxes, say “I want two boxes of Cracker Jack,” not “I want some Cracker Jacks.” I will fight this one to the death!
This all brings me to my number one pet peeve… beer.
See… I love beer. And not much aggravates me more than when someone orders a crappy mass-produced brew. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been quietly enjoying a lovely beer and a burger at my favorite burger joint (a bacon cheeseburger on a pretzel bun if you were wondering) when I hear someone order a Bud Light or a Coors Light. I mean seriously?!? A good restaurant, bar, pub or package store will have a dozen beers on tap and could have more than a hundred in bottle. I can understand if your options are limited, but when the beer world is your oyster, you’ve got to take a sip.
And I don’t buy the argument that some beers are cheaper so you can drink more. The old Tastes Great vs. Less Filling debate has an easy answer. Less filling, because I’m not drinking it. One of the mottos I try to live by is “Life is too short to drink bad beer.” Just spend the money on the good stuff and drink a little less. Besides, more expensive beer usually has more alcohol, so you’re getting just as drunk for your money and your taste buds will thank you.
There are literally thousands of types of beer to fit any taste level. There are bitter beers and smooth beers, ales and lagers, porters and stouts, flavored beers and traditional, micro brews and craft brews, domestic and international, the list goes on and on and on.
Did I mention that I love beer?
Of course not all of it can be good, and there are some truly foul beer concoctions. And, I’m not saying that small breweries are always better than the big boys. Guinness is one of the biggest companies in the world and they brew some truly awesome beer. Plus their factory looks like Willy Wonka (the Gene Wilder edition) could walk out at any moment with some Oompa Loompas.
See… there’s way more to life than the watered down, tasteless, colorless “beer.” But here’s the thing, you don’t know what’s good until you belly up to the bar order a pint. Who knows, you might actually find something you like. And maybe then I can enjoy my beer and burger in peace.